You have to expect a certain amount of ignorance and hate to come your way when you live an "alternative lifestyle," but it's hard to prepare yourself for the criticism that stings the most - the kind that comes from your peers. When the people you identify with the most can't tolerate you...well, that cuts pretty deep. In my case specifically, the queer and feminist communities have been surprisingly unsupportive. It's hard not to feel betrayed - especially when you've defended them in their struggles in the past (and continue to so so, because really, what choice do you have?).
Recently, I've felt slightly betrayed by a certain feminist publication that I used to read with some regularity. The feeling started several months ago when they wrote a scathing article on fat fetishist sites - like many, they couldn't make the distinction between fantasy and reality - but given 2nd wave feminism's uneasy relationship with pornography in general, I decided to overlook it. But more recently, they published an article on facebook about "non-monogamy," which basically turned out to be the story of how the woman who wrote the article once dated a guy who wouldn't commit to her, bragged about the other women he slept with, then freaked out when she slept with another guy. Just your basic, hypocritical douchebag. The problem? They called this "polyamory."
Then came the readers' comments, congratulating the author for "exposing polyamory for what it really is" - which apparently, is "intrinsically unhealthy," "male dominated," "just an excuse to avoid intimacy," "polluting the sex pool with STD's," etc.
Is it just me, or is this the same bullshit propaganda we were hearing about homosexuality not so long ago? I'm used to hearing this shit from the haters, but not from people who are supposed to be my peers - is this the supposed open-minded, liberal elite fighting for basic human rights for all? Did they just call me a skank?
I think the most shocking thing about my poly family is how normal, boring and happily functioning we are. The very idea seems to piss some people off.
I want to leave you with a few thoughts:
Why is serial monogamy considered "better" than polyamory?
Why is cheating, though frowned upon, more accepted than polyamory?
Why is divorce seen as preferable to opening up a marriage?
We are not sex addicts. All anyone has to do is look at my sex life to dispel any such notions. It's dismally average!
Why is it that, when a monogamous marriage doesn't work out, nobody thinks to blame monogamy, yet as soon as a polyamorous union ends, people are quick to cite it as proof that polyamory doesn't work?
Any relationship is only as strong as the people in it, regardless of how many people that is.
That's all I've got for now.